Fear...what to do when your child is afraid.

 Spiders, scary things under the bed, getting lost, getting hurt, the dark, having to eat green vegetables, getting in trouble, clowns, falling, the doctor, the dentist, bad guys, thunderstorms, dogs, snakes, scary movies, nightmares, getting sick, hurricanes, war, fires, falling, failing, being alone.....the list goes on and on.

Children can be afraid of many things and as loving parents we try to reassure them:  "Oh, there's nothing to be afraid of.  It's only your imagination"  "I won't let anything happen to you."  and so on.  Often our reassurances may not work.  So what can we do?
If the child has many fears giving them opportunities to control the fear may be helpful.  For example if your child is afraid of the dark, giving them a small flashlight on their night table allows them to control the situation by turning on the light when they feel afraid.  Afraid of spiders?  Books about spiders may help.  We are generally less fearful of that which we understand and are familiar with.  Let the child choose when to look at the picture.  Gradually we can introduce looking at a real spider in a jar or at the zoo.
Exposure to media can bring violence, war, injustice and hatred into a child's world before he or she is mature enough to understand.  It is important to not allow a young child to be in the room while these topics are discussed, news is on the television or video games are being played that are inappropriate.  As your child matures gradually introducing the news by watching or reading along with them will decrease fear and worry.  Children under 6 or 7 are to young to understand these complex issues.
Giving information about weather (thunder is just a noise) and reading books about weather,  animals, visiting the doctor or dentist, how firefighters keep us safe and many other topics will help your child to understand and feel informed and protected.  Public libraries have many good non-fiction books on these topics.
Around age 4 many children become aware of death.  Perhaps a pet has died or a relative has passed away.  This is a difficult topic for adults as well.  One book I have found very helpful is Lifetimes: The Beautiful way to Explain Death to Children by Boyan Mellonie and Robert Ingpen.  The book explains that every living thing has a beginning, and ending and in between is life.  It is comforting to know that this is the cycle of life.
Another tip is to limit our warnings unless they are essential:  "Be careful.  You might fall."  "Don't ride your bike so fast."  Ask yourself if this warning is really necessary.  Are we overprotecting?  Taking some risks helps children  to learn their own limits, to know when to pull back, and when to challenge themselves.
Fear is a normal human emotion.  It can prevent us from taking dangerous risks but it can also limit our experiences.  Helping children to understand their fears will free them up to explore and get to know the world in a safe way.

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Wishing everyone a peaceful and happy holiday with friends and family. 

Make a thankful basket and have everyone put in a note with things they are thankful for. 

Read the notes (without names if you wish) either today or at a later date. 

We all have reason to be thankful. 

 I am thankful for each of you who care so deeply for the well being of your children and all children.

Let us keep those who have less in our hearts today. 

The Great Outdoors...and Why It Builds Brain Power

The sun is shining, the summer heat is gone and this is the perfect time to be outdoors with our families.  

Many children today spend very little time in nature.  We lead busy lives and our free time is often spent watching television, playing video games, catching up with friends on our smart phones or otherwise plugged into electronic devices.
Our children want, most of all, to be like us.  When they see the adults in their world absorbed in the cyber world they naturally want to do the same.  The child's body and mind are growing and forming the basis for the rest of their lives. More and more scientific information tells us that screen time changes the way the brain develops.  The child can become distracted, easily bored, uninterested in other activities and doesn't develop the critical social skills necessary to have healthy relationships with friends, family and teachers.

So what are concerned parents to do?  How to help our children to move away from hours spent in front of a screen, a screen which is not reality, but an escape from the real world? If we just tell our children that screen time will be limited we are almost sure to get resistance and anger.  However, if there is an appealing activity or interest to take the place of television and video games the transition will go much smoother.

Making this change will take effort and but the rewards will be great:  better social skills, improved concentration, more interest in the real world, better health and a stronger attachment to parents, friends and teachers.

Time spent outdoors is very important for everyone.  Plan to take a walk everyday.  Even a few blocks is beneficial.  Plant a small garden or pots of herbs and flowers.  Have a picnic at a local park and play ball, ride a bike,  Have the whole family care for the yard and car.  Many of us have others do these jobs for us, but they can be a bonding activity for children and parents.  Involve everyone when deciding what to do on the weekend.  Instead of the grocery store, a trip to a local farmer's market is great fun.  There is an amazing one open on Saturday morning.  Check out this link:
http://urbanharvest.org/farmersmarkets
For the best selections arrive early, stroll around, try samples of produce, cheeses and breads, listen to live music, talk with the farmers, bakers and chefs, have a delicious and healthy breakfast and enjoy the fresh air and friendly people.

For more information about this important issue read:  Last Child in the Woods  by Richard Louv.  Here is a quote from his book: “Why do so many Americans say they want their children to watch less TV, yet continue to expand the opportunities for them to watch it? More important, why do so many people no longer consider the physical world worth watching?” 

Making an investment of time at this critical point in the life of your child will give benefits that extend throughout their life.  Healthy bodies, healthy minds, healthy relationships:  isn't this what we want for our children and ourselves?  Pull the plug on screen time and enjoy the real world!

Building a Family Library and a Love of Reading

Having books and magazines available at home for the family to read is very important to the success of your children as they work toward becoming fluent readers.

The family library does not have to be fancy or expensive to provide rich reading experiences.

Here are some questions you may ask as you plan this meaningful addition to your home.

• Where should we set up our library?

 The library should be in a room of the house where all of the family gathers.  This might be the living room or the kitchen.  Space for a small bookshelf, comfortable places to sit and good lighting are all that are necessary.

• How large should our library be? 

It is variety and interest that count, not the number of books.  Think about what interests your children and the adults in the house and add books based on those topics.  Be sure to get the children’s input!   A small collection of books carefully gathered over time is better than many books that go unread.

• How should we display our books?

Open bookshelves are ideal.  These do not have to be expensive and can even be made from painted concrete blocks and boards.

If you are handy you can build some shelves that allow the books to be displayed face out.  Children’s books need to be on the lower shelves and grouped according to topic (animals, transportation, stories, etc.).  Magazine storage boxes are inexpensive and an attractive way to display periodicals

• What kinds of reading materials should we include?

Paperback and hardcover books, magazines, a dictionary,

An atlas, song books, newspapers and even catalogues all have a place in the family library.  Make sure there is something for everyone at every reading level.   Children under age six need books about real places, people and animals instead of fantasy.  Children over six can benefit from small amounts of fantasy such as folk tales and some fairy tales.

• Where can I find these materials?

Of course there are many book stores around the city which offer great variety.  Some more economical sources of good reading materials are garage sales, exchanging o utgrown books with friends, second hand book stores, library book sales, and resale shops.  Consider making it a tradition to give books and magazines for gifts.  Visit the library regularly and display those books along with yours. 

Should I choose my children’s books?

It is best to let them choose, at least part of the time.  You can offer two or three choices when the children are young and gradually allow them more freedom.  For babies and young toddlers choose books that are sturdy such as board books.

Some other thoughts:                  

• If your family is fortunate enough to speak more than one language, be sure to include books in each language.
• Show your children the proper care of books:  hold with two hands, turn pages properly, use a bookmark, don’t write in the books.
• Have a supply of bookmarks in an attractive container easily available and the children will love to pick one out.  Libraries and bookstores often give them out for free.  Also, consider interesting bookmarks as small gifts.  Children love to make their own from beautiful scraps of cardboard, ribbon, dried flowers, stickers, etc.
• Design and use family bookplates which can be made on the computer.
• Add dusting the bookshelves to the list of family chores.  A beautiful feather duster makes this a joy for the youngest child.
• Children may want to make their own books and add those to the family library.
• A nice addition is a family vacation or holiday book with drawings, photos and journal entries.  Each person is encouraged to add their own thoughts and memories.
• Any damage such as small tears or marks should be repaired at once.  If a book is badly damaged or worn, remove it from the library.
• Give your children the message that books are treasures and they will learn to love them.
• Be sure your children see the adults in the family reading and enjoying books, magazines and newspapers.
• Set aside some time each day for reading together.  Talk about what you have read.  Use the tools from the page called Reading with Your Child to make the experience more meaningful and enriching.

Most of all have fun!

GAMES FOR SUMMER FAMILY FUN

Games for Family Game Nights

Games that do not require a board, equipment or reading ability;

Lookabout

The host shows everyone a little object in the room. All the players are to leave while the host hides it. When they return, everyone is to look for the item until they spot it. When they spot it they whisper the location to the host and then sit down. The last one to find it becomes the host for the next round. 

You're Never Fully Dressed without a Smile

One person is selected to be "it." That person is the only one in the group who is allowed to smile. He or she can do anything they want to try and get someone to smile. If the person smiles, he or she becomes it. The person who never smiles is declared the winner.

Forfeits

One person is chosen to leave the room. All the other guests must "forfeit" a small special item that belongs to them. All of these items are placed in the center of the room and then the "auctioneer" is brought back in. He/she picks up an item and tries to describe it as one would an item about to be sold. In order not to forfeit the item, the owner must "fess-up" and do something amusing to win back the item (sing, dance, do an imitation, recitation, tell a joke, etc.

Games for Older Children and Adults

Road Trip

Everyone should know the alphabet. 

Sit in a circle or around a table.  One person begins by saying:

A – I am going to Alabama (or any other location that begins with A) and I am taking an apple.

The next person says: B – I am going to Boston and I am taking a beachball.

Continue around the entire alphabet.

A more difficult version can be played with each person saying all of the previous letters:

I am going to Alabama and I am taking an apple, I am going to Boston and I am taking a beachball, then adding the next:  I am going to Colorado and I am taking a cat.  When someone misses, the others can help them to remember.  The goal is to go through the entire alphabet…not an easy task!

Alphabet Minute

Have everyone write a general topic of conversation down on a slip of paper, along with a letter of the alphabet. Pick two or three people at a time to play the game. Have them pick a topic out of a hat or basket. They then must start a conversation with one another regarding the topic. The catch is that they have to begin each sentence with a letter of the alphabet, beginning with the letter written in the slip of paper. They must follow the conversation through the alphabet, ending back with letter in which they started.

Example:
Topic: Shopping
Letter: H
Player 1 - "Hey, I have to go shopping, want to come?"
Player 2 - "I'd love to, but I don't have much money"
Player 3 - "Just come anyway; it'll be fun!"
Player 1 - "Kim said she would meet us at the food court."
Player 2 - "Last time she was twenty minutes late!"
Player 3 - "Maybe she'll make it on time today."

And so on until they arrive back at H to finish. You can either time them or cut them off at 60 seconds. The go on to another group and see who gets the farthest in 60 seconds, or you can let them finish the alphabet and see which group finishes their topic and alphabet in the fastest amount of time.

The Name Game

Provide each guest with 10 small pieces of paper, and a pen or pencil. Ask them to write down the names of 10 famous people, leaders, movie stars, authors, sports figures, politicians, artists, inventors, scientists, etc. Encourage them not to make it too easy! Fold the papers, and put them into a hat, bowl, or basket. Seat guests in a large circle. Each round is limited to 30 seconds, so have a watch with a second hand available. Player One pulls out a name, and tries to get the person beside him/her to guess the name by giving clues, but never actually saying the name or what it starts with. Gestures are also no allowed. After the name is guessed, the clue giver can continue pulling names out of the hat until their time is up. The guesser gets to keep their pieces of paper, and the clue giver gets credit also. The bowl is the passed to the next person and the clue giver now becomes the guesser and there is a new clue giver. The bowl proceeds around the circle until everyone has guessed and everyone has given clues. The one with the most guesses correct wins.

Example: Name - Abraham Lincoln Clues: He lived in a log cabin. He was president during the Civil War. His wife's name was Mary Todd. He wore a stove pipe hat and had a beard. He was assassinated by John Wilkes Booth.

Board Games for the Whole Family

There is a wonderful organization called “Family Pastimes”.  They have created dozens of fun games which are creative and cooperative in nature.  Here is some information from their catalogue which is available on line at: www.familypastimes.com.  Some of the game are also available on Amazon.com.

Play as friends, not as enemies! Our games foster the spirit of co-operation. Players help each other climb a mountain, make a community, bring in the harvest, complete a space exploration... They are never against each other.

After all, the initial impulse to play a game is social; that is, we bring out a game because we want to do something together. How ironic then that in most games, we spend all our efforts trying to bankrupt someone, destroy their armies — in other words, to get rid of one another! We soon learn how to pick on the other person's weaknesses in order to win the game.

Let's take an example. A simple, common party game for socializing youngsters illustrates our point. Musical Chairs fosters aggression and elimination. Played co-operatively (see our Games Manual), you will see how hugging replaces pushing, how ability and strength are used to help rather than push out of the way.

People of different ages and abilities should be able to play side by side, each making their best contribution. In a co-operative game, someone young and little can play with others older and bigger and not worry about being wiped out. We are all there at the end of it.

Some cautions. We don't protect children from not making it to the summit or completing the space voyage. Our games are designed to offer realistic challenges. But the cultural habit of competing and confronting adversaries runs deep. Some players end up fighting the game itself. We suggest that you'll get better results learning how to get along with Time, Winter, Gravity, and Mountains rather than fighting them.

Aside from all these serious considerations, some people just want to share an enjoyable and challenging time with friends. We feel that co-operative games will prove to be that friendly form of fun.

The challenge. In sum, games are used in various settings and for various reasons, Socialization, entertainment, academic learning, character growth, etc. Whatever your objective, we invite you to realize them by co-operative means. Parents and teachers trying to teach children to share, be kind to living things, and help others out often are troubled by games and recreation programs which undermine these values. Our games provide the opportunity to experience sharing and caring behavior. We simply don't have enough of such experiences.

Some traditional board games

Candyland

Clue

Monopoly

Apples to Apples

Scrabble

Chess

Checkers

Life

Trouble

Connect Four

Checkers

Cranium

Backgammon

Sorry

Pictionary

Parcheesi

Yahtzee

Some good resources for games are garage sales and resale shops.  Check to make sure all the pieces are intact.

Also, set up a swap meet with friends.  Everyone brings games and puzzles and you trade one for one. 

Card games

Younger children enjoy Go Fish, War, and other simple games.  Older kids like Uno, Rummy and concentration games. 

Remember the goal is fun!  Don’t worry too much about knowing all the rules, in fact, go ahead and make up your own, as long as everyone agrees. 

Another fun thing to do is make slips of paper with the names of all the possible games and activities.  Fold the slips and put in a bowl.  One person gets to choose each game night. 

A good rule to have:  No arguing with the choice. 

A Few Books to Get You Started

Here are some books to get your family started on a summer of reading fun!
Your public library will have most of these books.  1/2 Price Books is a great place to purchase children's books at a very reasonable price.  Garage sales and Amazon both have bargains with a bit of searching.

Some Book Suggestions for Children  birth-6

First Words    Snapshot Books          A series of books with simple, clear pictures of every day objects in the child’s world.   These are wonderful books for learning new words.  Titles:  First Words Clothes, First Words Food, First Words Kitchen, First Words Garden, also shapes, fruits, and many more.   Some titles are available in Spanish.

The Carrot Seed  Ruth Krauss   The story of a boy who plants a carrot seed and cares for it even though others tell him it won’t grow.  Of course, it does, to everyone’s amazement.

Goodnight Moon Margaret Wise Brown Perhaps the perfect children's bedtime book, Goodnight Moon is a short poem of goodnight wishes from a young rabbit preparing for--or attempting to postpone--his own slumber. He says goodnight to every object in sight and within earshot, including the "quiet old lady whispering hush."

Eye-Openers  DK Books  A series of books with great pictures and information.  Titles include: Farm Animals, Zoo Animals, Trucks, Pets, Dinosaurs, Cars, Ships and Boats, Planes, Insects and Crawly Creatures and many more.

Caps for Sale Esphyr Slobodkina  An old folk tale about a peddler with a huge stack of caps for sale.  One day he stops under a tree to take a nap.  A tree full of monkeys creates a very funny situation.

McDuff Books  Rosemary Wells  A series of delightful stories about McDuff, a West Highland Terrier puppy, who finds a wonderful home, has an adventure chasing a rabbit, adjusts to a new baby in the house, and helps rescue Santa. 

Books by Eric Carle All of this author’s books are great childhood favorites:  Pancakes, Pancakes, The Very Hungry Caterpillar, The Very Lonely Firefly, The Very Quiet Cricket, The Grouchy Ladybug, and many more.  Most titles are available in Spanish.

Gray Squirrel at Pacific Avenue Geri Harrington.  Published by the Smithsonian Institution, this book, and others in the Smithsonian’s Backyard series, are exciting tales of realistic animals and their adventures. 

You Are Just What I Need  Ruth Krauss  "One morning a mother saw a strange bundle under the blankets in her bed." So begins this charming story of a treasured moment between mother and child. In a familiar game, the woman tries to guess what this child-shaped object may be. A pile of laundry? A bunch of carrots? She is sure she doesn't need any of these things, and each time the squirming lump says, "No." Finally, a face pops out of the blanket and yells, "It's ME," and the two share a hug. In a perfect ending, the mother affirms, "It's you. And you're just what I need."

Rookie Biographies:  Dozens of titles available about real heroes and famous people

Eyewitness Books  Many topics from DK books

Read and Find Out Books  many in series on nature and science

Lights of Winter Winter Celebrations around the World

True Books:  continents, countries, every topic

Rookie Read about Geography series

Where do Frogs Come From     Eric Vern

Animal Hospital  Judith Walker Hodge

Books to Remember Series (highly recommended) 

Some Book Suggestions for Children 6-11

Children in this age group are curious about the world, history and people.  There are many biographies available to introduce your children to real heroes.  In addition to many of the books above, which can now be read by the child independently, these are more advanced reading for the 6-11 year old. 

Books on science, plants, weather and long ago times will fire your child’s imagination and spark creativity.

Rookie Biographies  Dozens of titles are available in this series of stories about real heroes and famous people.  Introduce your child to Paul Revere, Martin Luther King, Neil Armstrong, Jackie Robinson, Marie Curie, Oprah Winfrey, Johnny Appleseed, YoYo Ma, Harriet Tubman, Amelia Earhart, Cesar Chavez and many more writers, scientists, athletes, musicians and human rights pioneers.

Eyewitness Books DK Books  A series of books covering nearly every topic of interest to this age child.  Castles, dogs, dinosaurs, oceans, pirates, the human body, weather, cowboys and hundreds of others are explored in depth with good pictures and readable text. 

 This is also the time for reading the classic stories:  Heidi, Charlotte’s Web, Toad Hall, Little House books, The Velveteen Rabbit, Jungle Book, Alice in Wonderland and all the other treasures we grew up with.  These books are often best read with the child, perhaps with the parent reading for a bit, then the child taking a turn. 

These are just a few ideas to get you started.  Visit your local library in person or on-line for thousands of other great books to help your child become an eager reader!

Summer Fun: Help your child be an eager reader!

Summer Fun:  Help your child be an eager reader!

 

“The single most important activity for building the knowledge required for eventual success in reading is reading aloud to children.”

(The National Academy of Education Commission on Reading)

Reading aloud cannot be overemphasized. 

Older children should be encouraged to read aloud. They must never be forced to read aloud (other than school assignments) but should know that is a possibility when they choose to do so.

Reading aloud can be a very short activity.  A poem can be read in a few minutes, a short book in five minutes. 

Why read aloud?

• Children enjoy it.  They develop a love of books and reading from this activity
• They learn that words can make them feel and learn. 
• Children develop a sense of story which will enable them to make their own stories later on
• Oral language is promoted
• Literary language is anchored in their ears:  “Once upon a time”  “Then, suddenly….”
• New vocabulary is introduced and learned.
• Children see how an accomplished reader holds a book, turns the pages, reacts to text and pictures
• The reader demonstrates fluency and fluidity of oral reading, including speed, timbre, loudness, pacing, etc.
• Children’s experiences are expanded
• Children hear the distinctions of the language:  plurals, pronouns, etc.
• Children learn to visualize the text
• Listening comprehension is developed
• It is a social interaction between the reader and listener
• Complex ideas are made available and absorbed
• Rhyme, rhythm and literary devices can be explored:  “He was a tornado” “Boom, Boom, Boom”  “Her face was as red as a rose.”

What to read?

• Choose something you and your child like
• Read real stores:  no talking animals, animals with clothes, fantasy creatures for the under six child and only some for the elementary child.  Children love biographies of famous people, books about how things work and nature books. 
• Let the child choose from the home library
• With older children, decide on a favorite author and do author studies
• Vary the genre:  picture books, books without words, poetry, non-fiction, fiction, chapter books (for older children)
• Write a story and read it to the children
• Reread most books at least once, and repeat when your child asks. 

When to read?

• At least once a day
• When a child needs comforting or settling down
• When a child asks
• At bedtime

How to read?

• Be dramatic:  use your eyes, gestures and voice to convey emotions
• Use pauses for effect, raise and lower your voice
• Use props (real apples for a book on apples)
• Preview the book and prepare yourself
• Use post it notes to remind yourself of questions you may want to ask
• Instead of reading straight through, pause for discussion, questions or comments
• Questions are not a “test” of comprehension, but a springboard for greater understanding and exploration.
• Delete passages that are too long, too complex or inappropriate for your child
• Encourage the children’s comments: “I have a dog, too”  “I like apples.”  These are not interruptions, but communication!

What to do after reading?

• Have a conversation using your own life experiences: “I remember when I was a girl about your age and I lived on a farm……”
• Refer back to the text and even re-read a passage to make connections:

“Oh, that part about the fox reminded me about the fox in the book we read last week about Hattie and the Fox.  Do you remember that?”

• Encourage the child to make those connections: “What were you reminded of?”
• Let the child act out or retell the story with other children
• Let the child write or draw about their favorite part, write a continuation, or a new chapter (older children).
• Find other books by the same author
• Start a research project (older children)
• Create a story basket with props for the child to use to act out the story
• Sometimes the best thing to do is NOTHING.  Close the book, smile and pause for just a moment to allow the pleasure to melt into memories

7 Keys to Unlock Meaning

1.    Create mental images and become emotionally involved with what you read

2.    Use background knowledge before, during and after reading

3.    Ask questions before, during and after reading to clarify meaning, make predictions, and focus on what is important

4.    Make inferences.  Draw conclusions, and create interpretations from the text.

5.    Determine the most important ideas and themes.  Identify the theme or main idea of a book to help your child distinguish between important and unimportant information

6.    Synthesize information.  Track thinking as it evolves during reading.  “Oh, I thought the dog was going to run away, but he didn’t.”

7.    Use problem solving.  Demonstrate how to find out when something is not understood.  Use a dictionary, re-read a section, ask questions.

If you speak a language other than English at home, please read to your child in the language you prefer.  Having a second or third language is a real asset in life and should be encouraged!

Look for ideas for summer fun and a some book ideas in the next posts!  Thank you for visiting!